*derogatory, disparaging, belittling, manipulative language
The recent Presidential campaign was the most “unusual”, anybody has ever seen. You were elected because you spoke to the people about serious problems which had been ignored for a long time. And you spoke to them in a way that they understood and could relate to. We pray that your plans will turn out to be beneficial to all of us.
Unfortunately, your approach, while it won you the election, brought the angry, nasty tone that has divided Washington for many years, to a new low. In addition, your choice of language, offended many people and has serious, unintended consequences, for you now and for everyone in the future.
Linguist, Deborah Tannen, PhD, in her book, “The Argument Culture”, p. 14, explains that “the terms in which we talk about something shape the way we think about it-and even what we see”. “… It invisibly molds our way of thinking about people, actions, and the world around us. Military metaphors train us to think about-and see-everything in terms of fighting, conflict, and war. This perspective then limits our imaginations when we consider what we can do about situations we would like to understand or change.”
On January 20, 2017, you will become the head of our government and our representative to the world. We want that date to be the turning point in our country’s struggle to come together.
The first step is to Stop Using Evil Speech! Evil Speech is not the way to anything, but more trouble. Better Outcomes’ “10 Steps to Speaking More Nicely” can help. These guidelines come from the writings of Rabbi Israel Meir Kagan, (1839 – 1933). They provide behavioral guidelines which are specific to how we speak.
In order to help you make this transition, we have attached “The One Minute Apology”, part of the One Minute Manager Series. It is a complete process for making amends and much more beneficial than just saying “Sorry.”
The tactics and language you use worked very well for you in the construction business and your campaign. This material can help you change the words that you use. It is very important to us, to your success and to everyone on earth.
You have started the biggest political argument we have ever seen. Now it is time to become a statesman.
Take the first step and see what happens.
Stop Using Evil Speech!
Kind or cruel, words affect us. Derogatory, disparaging, belittling, manipulative language, even if TRUE but especially when it is a Lie, can seriously damage a person’s confidence and self-esteem. Words mold the way we think about people, actions and the world around us. They can cause each of us to be less civil with each other. We call these statements: Evil Speech.
These guidelines can help us all be more civil.
Be aware! If during a conversation, someone’s skin becomes flushed or pale, you may have hurt them.
2. Speak positively. Don’t assume you know the reason why someone said what they did. All you really know is that they did or said something. You don’t know why until you ask. Everyone deserves the benefit of the doubt.
3. Jokes are funny, except for the person who is the butt of it or has had the same experience.
4. Your words have the power to hurt 3 people: you, the person you are talking to and the person you’re talking about. Speaking badly about someone, even if you include yourself, still hurts.
5. Evil Speech includes your tone of voice, your facial expressions, and your body language, as well as the words, you speak, write, tweet, sign, etc.
6. Speaking badly about a group or a community hurts many people.
7. Don’t repeat Evil Speech to ANYONE.
8. Don’t listen to Evil Speech. Even if it is public knowledge, it is still wrong.
9. Telling someone what you’ve been told about them may simply make things worse, and put you in the middle where you become the bad guy.
10. SOMETIMES, Evil Speech is necessary. For example, using it to warn someone that they are about to make a BIG mistake, in an effort to save them from a bad relationship or a disastrous business deal. You may also use it to protect someone who is being hurt by the things that are being said to or about them.
Start by examining yourself and your behavior. (#1-5)
1. I recognize that what I did or failed to do was wrong.
•What mistake did I make?
•Did I dismiss another person, their wishes, feelings, or ideas?
•Did I take credit when it wasn’t due?
•Why did I do this?
•Was it an impulsive, thoughtless act? Was it calculated? Was it a result of my fear, anger, or frustration? What was my motivation?
•How long have I let this go on? Is this the first or repeated time? Is this behavior becoming a pattern in my life?
•What is the truth I am not dealing with?
2. What I did is inconsistent with who I want to be?
•Am I better than this behavior? (If you answer yes, proceed. If not, start over.)
3. I know that I am better than my poor behavior and I forgive myself.
4. I take full responsibility for my actions and recognize how much I hurt I caused. I need to apologize, regardless of the outcome.
5. I know that apologizing, by itself, is not good enough, it is only talk. I must make also make amends as soon as possible. Go to each person you hurt and proceed. (#6-7)
6. I tell everyone I harmed specifically;
(1) What I did wrong.
(2) Honestly, how I feel about what I did.
(3) What I will do to make amends.
7. I swear to myself and the ones I hurt not to repeat what I did and I sincerely commit to changing my behavior.
You may have to go thru this process more than once, but at some point, if you are sincere and do change your behavior; you will end with your integrity restored and your relationship repaired. Eventually, those you have hurt will have to forgive you.
*From Blanchard and McBride’s Book of the same name, Reorganized by LHK